I’m laying down alone in the dark, facing the ceiling. I can’t see it but it’s there.

*lets out a deep sigh*

Cause in my head, it’s like a canvas of a painting of your face. I really can’t seem to get this portrait out of my head. 

 *giggles*

Now I’m laughing alone, I bet my neighbors next door will think i’m crazy. Cause i bet you’ll say i’m crazy right now if i could tell you this over the phone. Anyways, now i’m thinking do i call you or not? Cause I couldn’t reach you on your cell the last time i tried, and you said your wifi is acting up. 

*pauses*

These are the moments whenever I watch the flash, I pray to be barry allen and you my Iris West. I bet if i voiced that out you’ll say shut up, but it’s fine, I’ve been trying to reach out for a while now. 

I’m kinda used to this. I know you’re not gonna admit it but someway, somehow i’m kinda creeping on you. The challenge has always been to fit my fantasy into your reality. Every single time i say let me let it go, someway somehow i’m right here all over at the start telling you the same things i told you a year ago, oh maybe 6 years ago.

I don’t even wanna imagine the other people you been with. It hurts so bad to think of them holding you close, and you wanting them to hold you close. I know i’ve done that to others, now I’m tryna convey this message to you and you’re telling me to stop, i bet it was the next person who you thought was going to treat you well. But no, I know you too well, I know you’re not so good at giving second chances that’s why it’s taken me this long. 

I’ve been doing this, taking shots at training. Probably i shouldn’t have with others but now this is the real deal. I need to make sure this counts, there is so much pressure. How do I get you to understand that i’m right for you. I know you’re skeptical about it, a day ago you told me my ship has sailed. So I’m here right now, I wanna give my everything to you. We’re working together and you’re my inspiration, you’re the editor.

Next thing, she looks at me and she laughs, she can’t look at me directly in the eyes but she says I should put this all into a book. She says she likes how I construct my sentences, how she can feel my words against her skin when I tell her how I feel about her. She’s still not straight to the point though, and I’m not trying to apply too much pressure. I don’t want her to leave, so I’ll be a gentleman about it.

Now she’s like I’m for real about you writing, you’ve got a gift and should let it be known. I told her you’d be my inspiration and you can be the editor, she retorted telling me how corny I am but that didn’t stop me from telling her how it has been.

I picked up my phone the next day to call her, she picks up and i could tell she’s a little bit excited than she usually is. She’s like oh when you’re about to start give me a heads up. 

Sometimes I feel it’s too much for you or maybe i shouldn’t give you too much and should take baby steps. 

But how can I control all of these emotions especially now that we’re working together. How can I say all of these things without getting emotional about it. She gets quiet and continues jotting down what i’m saying. God knows if i had you right in front of me, I’ll probably say more than i’m saying right now, or maybe not. I’ll probably be in my feelings and I wouldn’t be able to express it. I keep going, telling her what she needs to hear, maybe what she wants to hear. It was so silent I could almost feel her presence. I wish she could tell me how she feels too, we’ve been going at it for too long now.

I’m tryna picture her, African beauty, bet she’s got her braids on now, packed to the back. She’s probably got the big t-shirt on with nothing underneath. My mind is wandering on a different level but i’m saying shit for her to write. Both parts of me are conflicted with what to do and say. She wants it…